Potty Training... or at Least How it Has Gone So Far at My House By Catherine Eames, Triplet Mom Originally printed in April 2003 Before you all think I am crazy trying to potty train my gang before their third birthday,... think of this. We were snowed in like the rest of you in December, January and February. We have gone to all of the area indoor playgrounds and amusements and several Boston museums. Eventually, the kids really didn't want to go to them any more and I was nervous that they would catch one of those nasty viruses going around. The Eames' household needed a new activity. My younger sister, who also has triplets, suggested the introduction of underwear. This is our journey to date. When we moved into our new house last summer, we purchased two potty chairs and put one in each bathroom. On a regular basis before bath time, each of them would proudly use the potty chair; and sometimes, there would actually be something in it other than crumbled dry toilet tissue. We never pushed them because they were so young and there was some novelty associated with the potty chair. My sisters had spent some time cleaning out their children's closets and the hand-me- down bags they sent had several pairs of training pants in them. When the kids went through the bags (it's like Christmas when I bring the stuff home), they found the underwear. They were curious and hooked. They wanted to wear underwear all of the time. We didn't have enough training pants to do that, so we established rituals of when the kids wear diapers and when they wear underwear. When they wake up in the morning and come downstairs, I take off the overnight diapers and ask each, "Do you want another diaper or do you want underwear?" The answer from each is usually, "Underwear". I make sure I have two pairs each at the ready -- one for the immediate change and one if there is an accident. Each kid gets to have one accident. The "accident incident" usually goes something like this: ? After repeated offers from Mom to go to the bathroom and an underwear check to insure everyone is still dry, one, two or all of the three, will consent to go to the bathroom with Mom. We usually have success with each child that goes on the toilet. For some reason, my kids quickly abandoned the potty chair in favor of the toilet. The potty chair is now the step up to the toilet; after completion, the potty chair becomes the step to the sink. Great... Mom is relieved that everyone has used the bathroom. I am hoping for a few minutes of downtime. ? Eventually one of the kids will turn on the television and Mom is no longer the focus of activity. For those who have gone through this already, this is the BUT part. I call into their playroom (right off the kitchen) every few minutes with my broken record, "Is everybody still dry? Does anyone want to go to bathroom with Mom?" - with limited acknowledgement from the gang. ? After ten or fifteen minutes of TV or a video, and the morning's installment of juice nearly consumed, I know we are getting close to someone needing to go. I go into the playroom and offer my hand to each one, and see if any of the three will go to the bathroom with me. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Usually if I get one into the bathroom (it is off the playroom) and the kids can see each other in there, at least one of the others will follow. Great, I think. Everyone has used the toilet and Mom gets a little more downtime. ? Mom asks about breakfast. Dad still isn't downstairs yet... Either he has gone back to sleep or he's in the shower. The kids have gone back to the TV and have tuned me out. I repeat step #2 above, usually with the same result. I go and get the newspaper and begin to scan the headlines. ? One of three things happens next. 1.) Someone wants breakfast and while asking about and preparing breakfast, I get out of my broken-record ritual and someone has an accident. 2.) Daddy comes downstairs and his presence breaks the monotony of my broken record ritual. Hopefully, one of the kids will invite Daddy to the bathroom and not have an accident on his work clothes. 3.) Someone actually comes into the kitchen and asks to go to the bathroom. Usually, the bathroom visit should have begun about 30 to 60 seconds before. I race to the bathroom and hope some pee actually makes it into the toilet. Everybody gets a second chance because anyone can have an accident. One of the primary reasons for an accident in my house is because my kids only want to use the toilet at the same time, and silly me, I didn't have the plumber put more than one in each bathroom. It seemed like overkill at the time. WRONG!! If you have the space, consider putting two toilets, locker room style, in one of your bathrooms. It may save your sanity. Some mornings we have one accident with one kid, sometimes two kids, and sometimes all three have more than one accident. The "ritual within the accident ritual" is as follows: ? Kid must take off wet/soiled underwear ? After rinsing/cleaning, kid must put it into the laundry pile ? Kid must get new underwear from the bureau and put it on ? If this is the second accident or if the kid wants to wear a diaper, kid must get diaper and bring it to me ? Mom and kid wash hands together and talk about the accident We don't force the underwear in the morning. If one wants to just wear diapers that is fine. What I have found is that they are becoming aware of their bodies and once the diaper has one pee/poop in it, the kid announces the dirty diaper and wants to be changed. According to the experts in the baby books, this is an important first step. Speaking of the baby books, my bible has been, What to Expect...The Toddler Years. I have liked their approach to many things and have found it to be a great resource, even when their suggestions haven't worked for me. There is a separate section on toilet training that is several pages long and it bears reading, even if you have to read it while you are in Barnes & Noble. The morning ritual continues until we need to get ready to go out for the day. We have only been at this since the end of January, so my kids still wear diapers when we go out. I am not ready (nor am I ready to face with them) the public bathroom issue. We'll get to it soon enough. However, we do the same thing in the afternoon after nap when we are all home for the day. I ask about underwear and the response is usually the same - the late afternoon strip tease show. Part of this ritual is that, with the exception of untying shoes, each kid must take off all of his/her clothes, put them in the hamper downstairs and pick out and put on the underwear. We go through dinnertime in underwear, and although we still have some accidents, we are finding that there is improvement each week, especially if everyone feels good. It is a fact... the better your kids feel, the more open they are to new things. If someone doesn't feel good, the accidents are more numerous. However, we ALWAYS go through the "ritual within the accident ritual" so that there is some reinforcement and acknowledgement of the accident. I figure we will be in this mode for several more weeks until the accidents become less frequent and the diapers after nap are increasingly dry. Our next step will be training pants/underwear throughout the day. Earlier this week, we went shopping and bought some new underwear. Each child got to pick out two packages of their choice. Instead of all white training pants and white training pants with faded flowers and trucks, we now have a very colorful collection of Barbie, Dora the Explorer and Bob the Builder underwear. They have each proven so wonderful that every evening since, "specialty underwear" has gone on over the diaper overnight. Hey, whatever works. But, I have not gotten into rewards for being in underwear or using the bathroom instead of the diaper. We haven't raised our kids to expect rewards (some might say, no, there are no rewards, they just expect everything!!) and they haven't asked about it. I'll keep you posted on the next chapter in our toilet training trip. As an aside, I have had, with the exception of all three with asthma, very healthy children. They were born big and healthy and have remained that way. This exercise has been the most stressful part of my adult life, without a doubt. I have gained weight (no thanks to the cold and snowy winter, either) and really find myself almost panicked about this process. But, as my sister with triplets tells me often, "This too will pass." Good luck on your journey to a diaper-free household!