Dinner Traditions
By Debbie Bean, Triplet Mom
Originally printed in November 2003

Growing up in my family, we ate dinner together every evening.  I had many changes in 
my childhood.  My parents divorced when I was 10 and my younger brother, sister and I 
lived with my dad.  We continued to eat dinner every night with him and my 
grandparents who helped raise us.  When I was in high school, my dad remarried and my 
stepmother brought her six children into our family.  We continued family dinners with a 
much bigger table.  Throughout this time, eating family dinners was a comforting 
stabilizer.  I wanted to pass this tradition down to my own children.

As you know, that is challenging with triplets.  We started family dinners together when 
my boys graduated from high chairs to booster seats, around age 3.  Dinners were very 
quick those first few years because of one nonnegotiable rule – no one leaves the table 
until everyone is done eating.  That made most dinners last no more than 10-to-15 
minutes.

During the past three years, our dinners have evolved into a pleasant experience for all -- 
on most days anyway!  Everyone is involved in the set up and clean up of the table.  Each 
of the triplets is assigned two special days a week.  The child whose special day it is 
needs to set the table.  The boy's special day entitles him to the first choice of everything 
good, but also the not-so-good stuff like the first to take a bath, the first to brush his teeth, 
and the one to help me clean.  This is something Nancy Eaton shared with me several 
years ago that has become the cornerstone of our family.

The triplets have not only learned how to properly set the silverware, but that they are 
also responsible for making sure that everything we need (butter, ketchup, etc.) makes it 
to the table.  Even though they have been doing it twice a week for two years, there are 
still some errors, but they are quick to fix them when pointed out by me, their Dad or 
their siblings.

I try to teach other etiquette at the table beyond the basic table manners of please, thank 
you, excuse me (for a myriad of reasons) and asking, rather than demanding.  My 
children had a hard time not interrupting each other.  So, after we sit together, recite a 
simple grace together, and begin eating, we go around the table telling each other about 
our favorite part of school and our favorite part of the day.  The kids are not allowed to 
interrupt the person talking.  Only their Dad and I can ask questions if we want to.  The 
child whose day it is gets to go first and we go clockwise until everyone has had a turn.  
Besides teaching them to listen and wait their turn, it helps lengthen the amount of time 
the kids will sit at the table.

I am pleased to say that with the exception of those days when they know their friends 
are waiting outside (in my neighborhood, all seem to eat earlier than our 6:00pm), my 
boys have gotten to the point that they can have a sociable meal and lasts 20-to30 minutes 
with a minimum of goofing off.  We have assigned seats and no two of my boys sit side-
by-side.  That cuts down on a lot of the misbehavior.  Occasionally, one will still need to 
be sent to his or her room during dinner, usually for excessive noise or repeatedly 
interrupting.  A warning now will usually suffice, since being the social animals that they 
are, they won't want to miss any part of dinner with the family, which can be one of the 
consequences for fooling around.

My children have gone through spurts of being great eaters and poor eaters like all 
children.  I don't make separate meals at dinner.  I give them tiny portions – just two bites 
if it is something I'm not sure they will like, then they can always ask for more.  They 
have to try everything (which is why we use so much ketchup!).  Even if they don't like it 
– two small bites, they can handle.  I always serve fruit and yogurt with dinner so that if 
they like nothing else, they will have something that they do like.  Tastes change 
dramatically.  Things one child wouldn't touch six months ago, he eats the most of now.  
I have read some articles that say children need to be exposed to some food as many as a 
dozen times before they develop a liking for it.  If you serve it once a month – that could 
take a year!  So, even though they sometimes gripe that, "Mom, you know I don't like 
that," they still can eat a bite, because maybe they will like it this time.

After dinner, each of the boys scrapes his plate and puts it in the dishwasher.  It is my 
daughter's job to clear the rest of the table each night (unfortunately, at age 12, she still 
needs reminders even though she has been doing this job everyday for two years!).  I 
tried to have my kids cooperatively clear the table, but there were too many arguments 
over who cleared more spoons, etc.

Our dinner routines have worked for us, although during the kids' sports season it had to 
be altered.  We had to eat earlier even though that meant we had to exclude their Dad 
because he couldn't get home from work in time.  My goals are to have well-mannered, 
well-behaved children when they eat at the homes of others, and children who will 
always have fond memories of dinners shared with their family.