Dad’s Perspective: Mother’s Day
By Jonathan White, Triplet Dad
Originally printed in May, 2005

On May 8, 1914, both houses of the United States Congress passed resolutions 
establishing a Mother’s Day observance.  Acting on the authority of that 
resolution, President Wilson, on May 9, 1914, issued a proclamation 
regarding Mother’s Day:

"Now, therefore, I, Woodrow Wilson, President of the United States of America, 
by virtue of the authority vested in me by the said Joint Resolution, do 
hereby direct the government officials to display the United States flag 
on all government buildings and do invite the people of the United States 
to display the flag at their homes or other suitable places on the second 
Sunday in May as a public expression of our love and reverence for the 
mothers of our country."

Today, Mother’s Day is not celebrated so much with flags as with gifts and 
other tokens of affection.  In some countries, the appreciation lasts for 
two days.  What our fearless leaders left out were any types of guidelines 
to help choose appropriate tokens of affection.  So, I’m going to help you 
out.

First, let’s go over what doesn’t work:

-Makeover - “Here you go, Mom.  We love you, appreciate you, and value you, 
BUT you got this little thing, right about here...”

-Knick-knacks - Like you, yourself, would really want another tie from the kids?

-Things “we’ll use together” or that you can “borrow” later.  Good try, but 
I doubt Mom would really appreciate a cordless circular saw with laser guide.  
Then again, I could be wrong.  This category includes all software, sports 
equipment, sports tickets, and anything that comes with instructions.

-Exercise equipment - No matter how well intentioned, it doesn’t send the 
message of “you are perfect as you are.”

-Household appliances - Yes, they are practical and maybe your household 
needs them, but they have absolutely nothing sensitive about them!  Save 
them for the third week of May and surprise your mom!  My dad can relate a 
horrifying story about an electric can opener.

-If Mom is dieting, chocolates are not the best gift.  Try a beautiful 
floral arrangement or something inedible instead.

-Clothes - Admit it, you may have already learned a great deal more than 
any man should have about the inner workings of reproduction, but you 
don’t understand the first thing about women’s clothes.  They button on 
the wrong side, the sizes are incomprehensible, and they come in a lot 
of colors not present in nature.  Too much room for error.

-Kitchen stuff - If it can even remotely be used in the kitchen, forget it.  
Yeah, you know, the Ro-Tato potato cutter thingy with the “As Seen on TV” 
logo that makes curly fries and looks really fun?  Just don’t do it.  
Pretty much forget about anything with the “As Seen on TV” logo on it.

-Bathroom stuff - I know, women seem to spend a great deal of time in 
there, sometimes in groups.  What are they doing?  Do you really want 
to know?  Trust me, if your gift has any use in the bathroom, it’s not 
only a poor Mother’s Day gift, but stands a good chance of offending as 
well.  Nothing says, “I love you,” like Scope.

-Nothing - This is the worst gift of all.  Show some effort.  Don’t leave 
Mom with nothing to say the next day when she’s asked, “what did you get 
for Mother’s Day?”  Many bad things happen.

I know what you're thinking right now: I’m doomed, simply doomed.  But you’ve 
still got time.  Let's review: You can't give Mom anything useful, edible, 
or that might be used by yourself.  So what does that leave?  Something 
personal.  Something that’s been mentioned in passing.  Something that 
shows effort, forethought, and caring.

What Mom wants, what Mom needs, is a simple gesture of intimacy from you, 
the tiniest something that lets her know the chocolates, the flowers, the 
metallic trinkets are but tokens of your true feelings for her.  Something 
that says I love you, value you, and can’t live without you.  The point 
is, it's not the thought that counts, it's the feelings behind it.