Dad's Perspective: I Am Dad
By Jeff LaBonte, Triplet Dad
Originally printed in March, 2006

I was flattered and excited when Renée asked if I would take over 
writing the Dad’s Perspective column of the TMM Newsletter after Jonathan 
White decided to call it a day.  I immediately began thinking of article 
topics and how I would amaze and dazzle the TMM readers with my wit and 
sarcasm.  Then I thought, maybe an introduction is in order first…

My name is Jeff LaBonte, husband to Jen LaBonte and father to 20-month old 
triplets Luke (baby ‘A’ in multiples lingo), Cecelia (‘B’), and Jillian 
(you got it, ‘C’).  On a side note, this became the source of endless confusion 
in their first weeks of life as we constantly reminded medical personnel 
that “Baby ‘B’ is Cece.  Baby ‘C’ is Jill.  Jennifer and I found ourselves 
expecting the triplets after several years of unsuccessfully trying to 
have a child, several rounds of IUI and just months after purchasing a 
Volkswagen Passat as our future family car (insert uncontrolled laughter here).

Nothing could dampen our sense of joy that we were finally going to be parents.  
Nothing, that is, except the overwhelming terror upon realizing what having 
multiples was all about.  Thankfully, organizations such as TMM and 
Father2Father.com exist to guide, advise and support expectant and current 
parents of multiples.  The opportunity to write this column provides me some 
manner through which to repay all of the kindness my family has received 
from all of you over the past two years.

For my first trick, I have decided to write about being Dad.   Novel idea, 
huh?  But this is very much different from being a dad.  For the first two 
or three months of their lives, my babies had a dad, naturally, since everyone 
does.  But it was only as time went on that I began to get what being Dad 
really means.  It took awhile for me to begin doing things because I wanted 
to do them, not just because I had to as a parent.

For example, early on I was extremely appreciative to all those who came to 
help us feed, change, wash and just hold the babies.  It gave me a break to 
go do the other things that really needed to get done, like spreading lime 
on the lawn.  I still appreciate all of the people who are willing to help 
at a moment’s notice – although we don’t rely on them so much anymore – but 
I am more appreciative of the people who do the other stuff so I can spend 
time with my kids.  I might even let someone else mow my lawn this summer.  
Now, I am Dad.

Honestly, I love this role.  I can’t even remember what life was like before 
children.  I savor nothing more than coming home every day to, “Hi, Daddy!  
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii!”  In surround sound nonetheless.  From that moment, nothing 
else matters.  It doesn’t matter if I had the best day or the worst.  From 
here on out, I am all about my children.

I love playing with them, singing with them, dancing with them, twirling them 
in my arms until they are so dizzy they stumble all over the living room, 
giggling merrily the whole time like three little, intoxicated munchkins.  
I love how they tickle me back now and how they repeat everything.  In a 
strange way, I even love the times when I am the only person in the world 
who can make them stop crying by simply holding them tight against me.

Then there is the stuff about being Dad that terrifies me.  At some point on 
this journey, I realized the awesome responsibility that has been placed in 
my lap.  I don’t just have to be a role model; I am THE role model (with my 
wife, of course, but work with me here).  I have three lives that I have to 
guide, shape and nurture.  I have to make these three little people grow into 
respectful, hard working, moral, productive adults.  I have to educate them, 
instill values and impart faith.  Good Lord, I have to potty train them.

How does one make this transition from being a dad to being Dad?  Some of 
it is a natural evolution.  As you all know or will know very soon, there 
are unexplained forces that overtake your being once you become a parent.  
For instance, you need three hours to grocery shop because you read every 
item’s nutritional label, and you suddenly understand the hidden dangers 
of things like cotton balls.  But some of it – a lot of it, actually – has 
to be a conscious decision.  A dad has to decide that it is time to be Dad 
and not just that guy who rough houses with the kids after dinner until 
they spit up and then turns them over to Mom for cleaning and disinfecting.

For me, this is the hardest part and I am still a work in progress.  My old 
life is essentially gone.  Some of my closest friends have drifted away, 
mostly because they are childless and my children are what I talk about 
mostly.  I don’t go to the ballgame to have a hot dog and a beer with the 
guys anymore.  I go to the zoo with another family and get a kick out of the 
kids getting jacked on sugar from the cotton candy.  I have played precisely 
two rounds of golf in 24 months; I used to do that in a week.  I have not 
piloted an airplane in close to a year, again something I used to do weekly.  
I have tried (somewhat successfully) to minimize my business travel at the 
expense of career advancement and some income.

I miss some of this stuff, sure.  But I have a window of opportunity that 
will close if I don’t take advantage.  I can still golf, fly, watch baseball 
and worry about my career when the kids are older and more independent.  
First, I have to make sure they are equipped to become independent.  No one 
else is going to come along and do that job for me.  All the other stuff will 
just have to wait because, you see, I am Dad.

One quick hit before I go—I have had the pleasure of getting to know Jonathan
White through Father2Father, several times in person and, like all of you, 
through his TMM articles.  After Renée asked me to take over these duties, 
I went back and read most of Jonathan’s articles from the past two years 
and one thing jumped to mind: I have a tough act to follow.  His sense of 
humor always made for an enjoyable read, but his sincerity really made the 
column.  Please join me in thanking Jonathan for his contributions and 
wishing him, Shelbi and their children all the best.  Thank you!